Scrambled Eggs

Hello All,

I have been feeling like scrambled eggs for the past few days. I started to feel better this morning after a pretty good prayer session last night, but I still feel a little bit scrambled. I have a friend of mine, a young man (who for anonymity we'll refer to as Kgosi), who I have liked in the past but was separated from for a variety of reasons. We had both expressed our liking of each other, but then he sort of dropped out of my little world and I just let God handle it. Well, he's reappeared in my life very recently and he just seems to be perfect, again. However, he thinks one of my closest friends, Karissa (name also changed) is the one God has ordained for his wife, which doesn't match up with what she has told me about who she knows to be her husband. Plus, they dated previous to our attraction, but not our acquaintance, and he broke up with her as I recall; but he still has feelings for me.

Anyway, I just don't know what to do. I've been praying and seeking God for what my assignment is in his life and what I'm to do. The answer I've been given so far is to intercede on his behalf for God's glory to be magnified and manifested in his life, which is something I want for him. I feel like I'm falling in love with him, if I haven't already, and it is a very precarious position for me. I've dated friends before and lost those friendships, dated my girl friends' exes and lost those friendships and come out as the one most hurt and with the most lost. I really feel like scrambled eggs. I don't know how else to put it. I know what I want, I am seeking to know what God wants, what Kgosi wants, and what I'm supposed to be doing.

He really is McDreamy to me. Spiritually, he's a serious man of God who is so blessed, anointed and favored. He's family oriented and wants just as many kids as I do, more even, and we both want big families; we are so similar in our views on what family should be like and how we would hope to be able to interact with our spouses once married; we can literally sit and talk for hours on end and it not feel like it's been hours. He is so intelligent, giving, kind and caring; plus he is a perfect gentleman and extremely well educated. He takes care of himself and doesn't rely upon his parents for support and he has a job that is just amazing for someone his age. Physically, he's tall with beautiful skin, broad shouldered, and athletic. His eyes are dark like mine and he has a beautiful, slightly goofy laugh. I just so wish that he would step towards me even though I don't want him or my friend to lose out on their blessing if God has ordained them to be together and I don't want to be in the middle of that.

I want to talk to him about all of this but he's out of the state on business right now and I feel like this needs to be an in person type of thing and also, I don't know how to breech the subject. The man is supposed to determine the direction of the relationship and I don't want to move out of my role. I'm also frustrated because while he tells me all of these beautiful things you want to hear as a woman, I'm not the one he's truly pursuing in his heart because he believes Karissa is his mate. I don't like being the distraction. I want to be the one who's chased and not played around with. I really feel like I'm being played around with, not intentionally of course, but I'm too awesome of a person to only be sought half-heartedly.

Too often I've been the girlfriend material. Yes, I was presentable to moms, but I want to be the wife, not a girlfriend. I want to be married in God's time, but I want it to be a bit quicker. I know the theory that you meet your one when you're not looking for him and that the man is to find the woman and all of that; and I know that I must not be ready/my husband's not ready or we'd be planning right now for October or November, lol! But seriously, I wish it was Kgosi. Maybe it's because he's right in front of me. I don't know. I just don't know.

Please pray for me and for God to guide me and show me what my assignment is in Kgosi's life and his assignment in mine.

Love ya'll!